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Captain Beaky

Stupid Wife Competition

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My wife has a Bsc degree in elementary education and yet some of the statements she comes out with make me wonder... 

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 So it continues, first thing this morning I had to get some tyres fitted on the M5, As I'm heading out the door I shout out I'm off to the tyre garage....

 

 'What are you going there for' came the reply... :shock:

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Me and the missus were chatting once, she looked out the window and said, in all sincerity, the moon is the biggest planet isn't it?

I was dumbfounded and asked why she thought that, and she said "cos it's the biggest".

Lucky she's easy on the eye!!

 

Classic Father Ted moment :lol:

 

"This one is small and that one is far away"

 

Regards,

 

Mick

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I find that people who are intelligent on paper with degrees coming out there ears, a lot of the time have no common sense whatsoever, it's not a rule of thumb but iv noticed it a lot through my lifetime.

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I find that people who are intelligent on paper with degrees coming out there ears, a lot of the time have no common sense whatsoever, it's not a rule of thumb but iv noticed it a lot through my lifetime.

It is a pretty common thing tho.

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^ this is so true, as is the thought that the education system has gone wrong over the past years in that you are taught to pass exams you aren't taught the reason / explanation behind the question you are answering.

A friend of mine from school, very bright, all A's in his GCSE's, all A's in A levels, first in Economics from Birmingham..

Took 100 lessons and 6 tests to pass his driving test (in the 90's when it was "easier")

Driving is a mix of a bit of skill and some common sense right?

He Once left a note on his front door to tell his sister where he had hidden the keys for the house so she could get in when she got home from school- no joke.

(He couldn't see what he had done wrong and why we were all laughing uncontrollably at his stupidity!!)

Edited by Robbo

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Hahaha! That's hilarious.

We get lads come in from college after doing all there exams and can't even hold the right end of a screwdriver, some of the stuff we have seen would make your skin crawl.

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My mums ex boyfriend is called Dizzy mainly for the following reason.

He was working in a car garage years ago, and his boss told him he was redecorating the place and asked him to go down to the local suppliers and get tartan paint. He genuinely went down and spent close to 30 minutes looking for it. Half an hour!!

He was a reasonably intelligent gy as well.

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Yeah well, after watching that fishing programme on Beeb2 last night with Ben Fogle; the wife says to me... 'I wonder if fish sweat...'

Edited by d_a_n1979

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Yeah well, after watching that fishing programme on Beeb2 last night with Ben Fogle; the wife says to me... 'I wonder if fish sweat...'

 

Monday morning and you are top of the Board sir

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Sms conversation

"How's your day been"

Pony, I'm looking forward to getting home & a chilly Stella or two

"I've been meaning to ask, what is a chilly Stella- is it a new type of Stella with chilly in it?"

Very funny

"What, I was only asking a question"

Ermm it's a beer that's cold?

"Oh right I thought it was a new flavor of Stella"

No love..

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More randomness from SWMBO. 

 

A friend of hers posted on Facebook "Just been to the Apple Store in Edinburgh, absolutely heaving, came away empty handed!"

 

Her ladyship posts for all to see "Amanda, why on Earth would anyone go all the way to Edinburgh just to buy apples?"  :shock:

 

Bless, can't live with 'em, can't shoot them apparently!

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Here's a good one. Must admit it left me speechless.

Earlier in the year, I decided to aquire a another set of wheels to refurb for the coupe.

After organising with the vendor I collected them early on a Saturday morning after a bit of a mission trip wise.

Anyways,got said wheels home and was having a look over them when Mrs Five oh turns up

Mrs 5'o. "Oh your back then..are these the wheels you been crying for? Don't look all that if you ask me. Haven't you got enough of them in the garage?"

Myself. "Yes luv,they might look shabby but by time I've finished with them they'll look ace. These are the real deal style @#$ double spoke BMW M wheels and not only that they're proper forged.

Mrs 5'o. "Oh well,they fake then" and walks away triumphantly.

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My wife's a nurse, and used to share a lift into work each day with 3 other girls.

One morning they arrive to collect her, and as they pull into the drive they mention to my wife that the drivers electric window is broken and won't go down. My wife nips into the garage and returns with a can proudly in her hand. As i peep my head out of the front door to look, 4 girls are stood by the car, my wife spraying wd40 on the glass while the other 3 watch intently.

Her friend asks "oh what's that?", My wife just replies "a magic spray, my husband uses it to fix stuff"

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Teenage daughter: What's the police number in this country?

Me: 999

Teenage daughter: oh yeah, I forgot.

Out in the car.

Teenage daughter: Oh my God! The moons turned green! Oh my God!

Me: My windscreen has a green band across the top.

Teenage daughter: Oh. Ok.

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