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  1. 4 points
    Grizzle_M5

    Well its goodbye E60 hello F10

    So after 6 years on and off and some incredibly valuable info on keepin it well maintained from some really knowledgeable people on here the time has come to move onto something newer and a little faster. So i pick this up on Wednesday need to get used to that increased MPG! It has everything you could think of LED adaptive headlights soft close doors comfort access electric bootlid heated, ventilated and massage front seats heated rear seats rear blind Pro nav with DAB, TV and internet
  2. 4 points
    Passed the MOT today
  3. 4 points
    Dropped off for MOT at 0800 Collected from MOT at 1000 Full clean bill of health
  4. 4 points
    My Elekta passed the MOT today after 9 years rest!
  5. 4 points
    Yokozuna

    The unwritten rules of being British

    I seen this on Quora, the bloke has got it almost spot on.... Alright everybody, sit back on that DFS-corner-three-piece-with-matching-ottoman-that’s-still-got-three-months-of-0%-interest-before-you-start-making-the real-payments-which-you-already-resent, and relax! Here’s the definitive list: Rule 1: Builder, plumber, sparky in your house? You offer that fucker a Tea. Within five minutes. Even if you don’t drink tea, this rule is so ironclad that you have a box of tea just for this purpose. You also have coffee, but the tradesman must request it. Rule 2: The specifics vary by region and upbringing, but you will have some sort of ritual that you perform every time you see a magpie. This is an indisputable fact. Rule 3: You will drive at least 10mph over the posted speed limit unless within sight of a police car or speed cameras you are unfamiliar with. Failure to do so means you’re either very old, very stupid, or a complete cunt. The worst offenders being, obviously, very old, stupid cunts. Rule 4: When driving, you are only allowed to use your horn in the following circumstances: two, but preferably only one, tiny beeps to alert someone that you’re outside (although only acceptable if you’re late for a wedding, the person inside is the best man or maid of honour and you’ve known them for more than ten years. Otherwise it’s just downright rude) Someone is about to reverse into you in a car park and hasn’t seen you. To save you from imminent death by a reckless driver on the motorway or a roundabout. But the real unwritten rule is this. If you blare your horn for more than three seconds, you become the wanker of the day to everyone in earshot. Personally, I have had someone, rightfully, sound their horn at me, which has alerted me to their presence and prevented us from both being killed. I was so grateful that the horn saved us as I hadn’t seen the other car. By the fourth second of blaring horn my guilt had evaporated and I was calling the guy a wanker. Rule 5: You think Piers Morgan is a festering carbuncle of triple distilled, charcoal filtered twattery. Rule 6: If you like Piers Morgan, and have the intestinal fortitude to tell anyone other than your 65+year old, racist aunt Karen that you like him, we will know instantly that:A) you voted leave. you read the Daily Mail. C) you’re a proper cunt. D) I’m just spitballing here but, you probably don’t season your food for shit. Rule 7: Only really applies if you’re white british. You have a 65+year old, racist Aunt Karen. She might be younger or older, or called Carol or Cynthia or Barbera. She is just as likely to be an Uncle as well. No matter the age, name, gender or relation, you’ve definitely got an aging racist in the family. Even if they’re the nicest person and loves everyone and doesn’t have an ounce of hate or discrimination in them, they will definitely say some problematic shit in public. Ironically, they will always say the worst possible thing to someone while trying to prove that they’re NOT racist. You will try to educate them by getting them a smartphone or tablet and introducing them to Buzzfeed and Tumblr. Rule 8: (this one is definitely a global issue, but it’s my list, so, I’ll say it) You instantly regret introducing them to smartphones and tablets. Sub rules for the recipients of iPhones and tablets who are over 55 are: You will NOT hold your iPhone (or whatever) with one hand and scroll with your thumb. You will hold it in one hand and scroll/type with either the middle or ring finger of the other hand. This will always be your non dominant hand (which is busy holding the phone) which will make you slow as fuck.) You will perform one software update, it will change one or two things about the user experience. This will scare you and you will have iOS 4.2 for seven years and claim the phone is broken. Your son or daughter will update your phone for you. You discover that the little black boxes with question marks in them that you see in messages are “Emojis.” You find them ridiculous at first, then you think they are kind of fun, so you start to use them. You 100% use emojis wrong. Fact. You will, weekly, ask your son/daughter how to use any app or website that has been built at great cost by very clever people to be so easy to use that children who cannot even read can use them. You get Facebook, memes disturb you, you get hacked. Sub rules for givers of iPhones etc to the older generation: You will remind your mum/dad constantly that they don’t have to start texts with your name, and end them with theirs. You tell them that texts are not letters. They will ignore you. You will have to explain every acronym to them. Your mum will always think that LOL means lots of love. Once you have explained that BRB means be right back, or somesuch, they will make up a one of their own like ICMSO. It will mean “I’m chuckling my socks off.” it will be shit. You will write LOL and not tell them how bad it was as they wiped your arse for the first three years of your life. You will send any meme. They will ask if the person in the meme is your friend. You explain that Kevin Hart is not your friend. You then explain memes. They ask if you made it. You realise that you are products of different ages of innovation, that they grew up with three channels on the TV, an abridged version of an encyclopaedia, a piss poor library and schools staffed by violent alcoholics. You grew up with the accumulated knowledge of the entire human race available to you 24/7 365. You realise that simple memes will lead you down a very deep rabbit hole. You just say “yes, I made this meme” You forget, and send them another meme. They ask whose dog that is? Despite having email, messenger, texts, Facebook, WhatsApp and even, god forbid, snapchat; they will call you, and if you don’t pick up, they will leave a voicemail. Only corporations to whom you owe money and your parents leave voicemail. They will, always, start the message by saying what time it is. Despite knowing, because they love and use voicemail, that the recorded voice says “Message left at…Seven..Oh…Four.. On…Saturday” etc. You will say to yourself “why the fuck are you ringing me this early on a Saturday!” It’s the law. Rule 9: When leaving any social situation, you will, without fail: wait for a lull in the conversation, look around to catch peoples eyes, say loudly, briskly and commandingly the word “Right” If you are sitting, you will slap your knees with both hands as you say it to aid you getting up. The non verbal exclamation mark. If you are standing you will gently slap the table or bar if there’s one in front of you. If there isn’t, you will clap your hands together and rub them together or you will clap and clasp your hands together at chest height. “Right” on its own is sufficient, but can be suffixed with the following: “I/we had better make a move/ get going/ hit the road” (hit the road will be said ironically and in a bad accent. If someone has the audacity to put on their jumper or coat, take their phone off the table and look for their keys, pat their pockets absentmindedly as part of their subconscious ritual for imminent departure, or glance at a clock and then stretch their back, or even take a slightly bigger breath than usual, before they have uttered the word “Right.” Well, that person (friend) will be assailed with sarcastic remarks like “see you later then, pal” “are you off then?” “we boring you mate?” “You still here?” “Go on then, fuck off” etc. Rule 10: Any city or town that is not your city or town is a shithole and will normally be referred to thus: “Coventry? Fucking shithole, mate!” But will sound more like: “Covsafaaakinshitttole, mate! we all say it so often about other places the words just bleed together. The closer another town or city is to yours, the more of a shithole it is. I blame football for this trait. Rival teams are closer together and this feeds the animosity. Then you get cities that have two or more football teams in them, who hate each other with venom, but can’t call the other teams city shit as it’s the same city. So they hate Manchester United instead. And when they play each other they beat the shit out of themselves in the streets afterwards. Because men. The cities and towns that get a pass on being shitholes are: anything in the coteswolds, Bath, and Leamington Spa, because I live there and it’s awesome. Seriously. Rule 11: You will state the obvious. This includes: you’ve had your hair cut, you’re soaked/drenched, you’re late, you’ve lost weight. The correct replies to which are: sarcastically clutching your head and saying “noooo, Really?” “It’s fucking pissing it down out there/it’s that fine rain. Soaks you through!” “Sorry, traffic/the Mrs/He, was a nightmare” “Oh thanks, I’ve been doing Joe Wicks/juice cleanse/crystal meth etc.” Rule 12: You will hold a door for anyone. You will both say “after you” at least twice until one of you is dominated enough to go through. That person will hurry, to not waste your time, even though you spent thirty seconds trying to out-polite each other through the door. The door rule is so powerful that even in a long corridor you will approach a door, look behind you, see one other person thirty feet away and feel inclined to hold that door for them. They will then run to get through that door. In Britain you can make anyone run insanely impractical distances by holding a door. They will then thank you. If there are many doors on this corridor, this person is now level with you, the rule dictates that you will be the door opener for all these doors, they must match your pace between doors, you will not talk to each other apart from when the doors are opened. Then the person receiving the opening will thank the opener who will tell them they’re welcome. But the real unwritten rule here is that the thanking must be different every time, as must the reply. So you get a string of: “thanks, cheers, ta, so kind, thank you, bless you etc etc.” Which is met with “no worries, my pleasure, you’re welcome, don’t mention it etc etc.” Rule 13: You have a noun to describe a small, round, loaf of bread, no bigger than a clenched fist. The name you have for this particular bread is the correct name and you will glass any cunt that dares call it a cob in your presence, and then spit on the graves of their ancestors. Everyone knows it’s a Roll! Or any combination thereof. Rule 14: Although shouting, especially whilst sober, in a public place is frowned upon most grievously, if the words “ALAN” “DAN” or “NICE ONE BRUVVAAAA” are shouted. You will shout it back. Louder. It’s the law. Rule 15: You will ask taxi drivers if they’ve been busy and what time they’re on till. Fifteen years ago we used to ask normally, in our own accents. Now we say it ironically and in a Bolton accent thanks to Peter Kay. Who used it as a joke that was so funny because it was true. He knew the rules. Rule 16: You will quote “Snatch” to any new potential friend. If they quote it back, then they’re worthy. If they haven’t seen it then they’re a garbage person. Rule 17: You will, generally, know how to order drinks and ask directions to the library in either French or Spanish. Some maniacs will have a smattering of German, normally limited to counting to four and saying something is a pencil. They will say it in the style of Hitler at a rally. You will expect everyone to speak English. Rule 18: If you decorate the outside of your house with anything other than simple, non flickering, white fairy lights in either your windows or your eaves, you are definitely living in a council house and have seven children of dubious parentage. It sounds ridiculous and horrendously snobby, but I double dare you to prove me wrong. Rule 19: Depending on your age, your understanding of inflation and capitalism is based on three things in age order from oldest to youngest: “When we came off rationing we bought sausages for the first time in seven years for thruppence ha’penny that mother had saved over the winter” “I bought my first house, a lovely cottage in Surrey, for £14,000 and the mini went on sale that year for £400” “Fucking hell mate! Fucking Freddo’s are twenty fucking pee! What a liberty! Even Chomps have crept up to fifteen. And they’re smaller!” Rule 20: Every two years, at the Euros and the World Cup, we will sing “it’s coming home.” And without fail, it does not come home. We even sing the line “thirty years of hurt” despite it now being fifty two years of hurt. Rule 21: British, includes: England, Scotland, Wales and, although not British we will include Northern Ireland and the Republic of Ireland. The gold standard of inter-national hatred is: Half of Northern Ireland hates Ireland and the other half hate England. Ireland, is generally amiable and kind of likes everyone, England the least though. Wales is cool with most nations, except England. They insisted on keeping their own language, cost us millions in road signs that still have English on them because their kids can’t be arsed to learn welsh. They built a massive fuck off bridge and only charged a toll to get from England to wales and not get out again. England lovingly calls them sheep shaggers and taffs. The Scottish fucking hate everybody, including themselves, but mainly the English. With a deep, violent passion. The English take the piss out of them, their history and their accents. So everybody hates the English, and the English pretty much don’t care, because we’ve beaten them all many times. So to stop the bloodshed, instead of having pitched battles, we have a rugby tournament called the six nations every year to see who’s the boss. We included France and Italy as well, seeing as we’ve beaten the fuck out of them in the past as well.
  6. 4 points
    Mazi

    Just picked this up. 61000 miles

    Not an E38 7 series.......
  7. 4 points
    E39mad

    Lets see your BMWs that you have owned

    This one started it off for me back in 1989 - a 316 1.8 E21 Then had an E36 318is, E46 330d Touring auto, two E39's and the current fleet:
  8. 4 points
    jannism

    Goodbye F10...

    I picked up the 535d Touring this morning. Fair to say that I'm more than a little bit pleased. It turns out that what everyone always says about the engine is true. It just gives and gives and then gives some more. Mind bogglingly strong. The HUD - what an excellent piece of kit. I never want to drive a car without it again. The all-singing, all-dancing comfort seats are an absolute pleasure - you can literally mould them around you like a huge, leather hug. The "massage" function is properly weird but in a good way. Far from sending you to sleep as I had initially feared, they actually keep you on the ball whilst fondling each of your buttocks in turn. On a peculiar sort of loop. The rear air springs and 18" rims contribute to a noticeably smoother ride quality in comparison to the 19s of the saloon version. It's brilliant. Pics tomorrow.
  9. 3 points
    First one E39, 523i SE. Bought in 2004 and had it for three years. Nice, but not quick enough. It still looked like this under bonnet when I got rid of it with 90k on the clock Still going strong somewhere in Fife I believe. Replaced with something a bit quicker, but it didn't last long. It ran for a few years after it was recovered but it's baked bean cans now. Replaced with one which had a few more toys and less miles. Did 75,000 miles in this E60 over nearly 8 years. Still miss the V8 bellow. Current barge.
  10. 3 points
    SuperDave

    530D - Buyers Regret

    This is the dullest thread, ever.
  11. 3 points
    Johnny Disco

    What did you do to your E39 today ?

    It’s been a while again. Polished headlights. First time doing it so I took it easy. Will need going over again to make perfect. Replaced OSR window reg sorted NSR central locking issue replaced under door lights for LED replaced fogs for LED then changed them back again as they didn’t light the road up much diagnosed NSF speaker fault to be a broken cable, not found the break yet but tested with new cable and all works as it should so will probably just run a new cable and finally have all the speakers working. i’ve been driving her daily for a month. She’s behaved impeccably so i’ve not touched my 15 plate Peugeot. A bit heavier on the wallet but bigger smiles all round.
  12. 3 points
    TK421

    530D - Buyers Regret

    This is where it’s at for me, on my radar for sure.
  13. 3 points
    Loadmaster

    It’s been a while....

    No, no, no. You keep posting mate. You have a fine car to show there. Just ignore the member who doesn't appreciate you showing, and being proud of, your M5.
  14. 3 points
    Early MOT and oil service (as in brought forward time-wise) at BMR Performance in Turners Hill, West Sussex.
  15. 3 points
    LukeH

    What did you do to your E39 today ?

    Finally got around to trying my new poplar trim, still not convinced I prefer it to my technical graphite but time will tell.
  16. 3 points
    d_a_n1979

    Lets see your BMWs that you have owned

    1st ever BMW - E38 728i facelift; this started the bad habit off 2nd: Slate Green 530i Sport; fantastic car, should never have sold it: 3rd: Sapphire Black 530i Sport; overall a great car, but I'd started to get bored with it and would have ended up swapping bits just for the sheer hell of it: Now my 4th; BMW E65 730D Sport. Overall a fantastic car with a cracking spec and the right size car for a gentleman of my stature
  17. 3 points
    red35

    Lets see your BMWs that you have owned

    Here's my selection minus a 1990 318i which I don't have any pictures of. 1985 M535i dogleg manual with Recaros. Jazzy B owns this now. 1992 735i manual with Alpina goodies 1992 850i A with a lovely V12! My current 645ci with V8 goodness as standard
  18. 2 points
    535i Andrew

    Winter Tyres ?

    That's quite high pressures. Book is 2.3 front and 2.5 rear, 33 and 36 psi. That must be a bone jarring ride, no? You are running the same set up as me and I find the ride harsh and I'm coming from 19" rft summers. Yes you need to adjust your driving technique in the bad weather, but the winters on my car last year let me get out of my street in one go with little or no slip in 3" of snow. Took me 6 attempts to do similar in previous winters with my E60 shod with summers. Its the wwww tread shapes and more block like tread patterns that make the winters come into their own in snow. Snow gets stuck between the blocks and in the wwww treads and nothing sticks to snow like snow. Summer tyres only let water exit in front and in rear of the contact area of the tread block tread also allows for lateral water dispersal, aiding driving in wet weather. Winter tread pattern from my old Dunlop 3D winters. You can see the block shapes allowing lateral water dispersal and the wwww grooves. Summer tread from one of my Michelins. The lateral grooves in the Michelin are virtually non existent in comparison giving less opportunities for water to disperse under it. The width of the lateral grooves is significantly narrower which does not allow the tyre to 'bite' into the snow. I don't have a picture of the tread of the Winter Contis I'm running on but the tread only has the wwww groves in the outer 1/3 or so of the tyre, where as the Dunlop has the wwww groves over the full width of the tyre. Winter tyres are designed to work at lower temperatures, the rubber remains soft and pliable so can grip the road surface better. Full winter tyres have the M+S tread designation and the three peak snowflake symbol meaning capable of running at lower temps. Some tyres badged as "all season" will have the M+S tread giving better grip into Mud and Snow and have block tread for better lateral water dispersal but for winter tyres you need the three peak snowflake symbol. Below from my Conti Winter contacts. I am a converted winter tyre sceptic. I drove my dads F10 with the above Winter Contacts on it thru standing water on the M74 and it stuck to the road, where the same journey had the steering wheel of my E60 shaking in my hands. The Beast from the East last winter gave me the opportunity to test out winters in the snow and the difference is night and day.
  19. 2 points
    sjak92

    Specification Question

    And now having had a 740d with a display key for the weekend I would recommend getting one plus the remote parking. I though it would be a gimmick but in my case it would actually come in handy
  20. 2 points
    The 6 pot diesels has been known to suffer very rare bottom end issues with the crank and or its bearings. It is thankfully really rare. Probably can be attributed to lack of regular oil changes, which when cars get older, get sadly ignored. Once a year or 10k max, none of this 2 year or 20k crap.
  21. 2 points
    bmwf113.0d

    It’s been a while....

    U OK hun?
  22. 2 points
    535i Andrew

    Car theft trends

    Yes officer, I was just applying 140Nm of torque to this...........
  23. 2 points
    bmwf113.0d

    Car theft trends

    Yeah, but to nip the issue in the bud thus prevent escalation whereby the victim may be harmed, then imo hard and fast is required. The moral is, if you live within the rules of society then you have no issue, if you step outside those rules (and commit burglary and robbery especially) you forfeit any rights. All just imo of course.
  24. 2 points
    *jimmyj*

    My 1st E39 wooohoooo

    So it's been nearly a year since I've updated this thread. Going to make more of an effort of posting here as I said I would. Since getting the car from @hairyarse the car has been great. Just love the E39. Guess it's been good as I got the car in a pretty decent state which always helps. Things which I've had to address have been; the parking sensors which are still playing up. Believe its the rear ones which I need to replace, I'll do my testing to see, I have a eBay link of a seller where I bought them from - can't remember who from this forum gave me the heads up, I wanna say d_a_n but could be wrong. Shortly after I got the car I started out with tackling the parking sensors, as they are on the blink. Replaced the rear left, which improved things but I think I need to replace the lot of them. So thats one my list, but not high up. Weekend job when I need a break from the Mrs 30/01/2018:- she went in for a service, front brake pads with sensor, and to sort out the boot clip catch that had broken one day. When @hairyarse sold me the car he hadn't got round to fitting the tank ventilation solenoid which he left in the boot for me, so that was fitted at the same as it was throwing an eml, faults cleared, and she was back on the road. Early in the summer the car started to throw an eml light, hunting pretty bad when sat in traffic. Gave it to my garage, where it turned out that the breather section near the dip stick was blocked and corrodied, so that needed replacing. 27/06/2018:- CCV (Crank Case Ventilation) kit fitted. Along with spark plugs, and dipstick tube. 05/10/2018:- Few months later, i completely forgot my mot was not renewed, only realised when my tax was due. So it was panic stations to get her booked in and all road legal. Turned out that it needed a couple of things for her to pass:- OS rear lower hub rose bush. NSF link. OSF link. Brake pipes. These where sorted, and she was back one the road. 16/10/2018:- Couple weeks I realised that I was topping up my coolent more often that I should be. Turned out that i had a split within my top radiator hose so that was sorted. Current state of the car is, she's very dirty, but running like a dream, need to order some new cleaning products as I'm all out. Some rear tires in the coming months, and a service as there are 3 bars left. Still on the hunt for someone to be able to refurb my wheels with a polished lip, but thinking of doing this after the winter if I can find the person to do it. There is a bit of rust on the front bonnet, and some bubbling on one one of the rear arches which I need to address but again maybe after the winter.
  25. 2 points
    Matthew Ashton

    Heavy rain, Water leak

    This afternoon I joined ranks and took a fresh look at the offending panel on my F11 here are my pictures to add to the expanding library. After removing the engine cover, it was a tight squeeze but I accessed the screws holding the panel in place to remove it. I removed the 3 obvious ones and nearly gave up as it wouldn't budge. After taking pictures from below the panel, there I saw the pesky 4th screw, removed it and the panel came off. (Should have re-read this whole thread first!) Notes: Contrary to my previous post, you can get to the panel on the 6 cylinder models too. My car too spends a lot of its life in the garage Water poured down next to the hinge under the bonnet comes down under the car via a gully on the undertray and doesn't seem to impact on the cavity near the Yellow Grommet. And if anyone is interested, the Yellow Grommet is part number: 51719151866 (Cover, steering column) Not much space to get an arm down there. I used a Stubby ratchet screwdriver with the T30 bit to remove the 4 screws. This is the 4th screw that is unseen from above but needs to come out. The screws are tight and threadlock is used. I held the iPhone perpendicular to the ground and carefully moved it down the gap to take this picture looking directly at the bulkhead. And this is my clean grommet but if you look beyond the leaves to the lower right of the grommet you'll see a white drain pipe. Not much use of the leaf strainers above haven't done their job properly and reading other posts in this thread that drain could be for incoming water rather than for evacuating water from this area. As you can't see the drain from above it is difficult to determine the direction of flow. The water flowing down into the yellow grommet cavity comes from these 2 circled strainers: With the panel removed, the water flows down these 2 areas: And here is my panel showing a bit of water retention but no where near as bad as others have experienced. Putting the panel back was a real sod as it needs to slot into another rubber grommet with 3 heating pipes going through it and after some choice words and very scratched arms (I had to get both arms down there) it slotted back into place.


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